Emera Story-Line

[Emera]

Just starting to make the OSL for my server and was wondering if you guys can have a read of this and comment on what you think i can improve on or add. Thanks!

Prolouge-
Millions of years ago, a strange star fell from the heavens. A dark green emerald flew with speed that scatered light as far as the eye could see. It blitzed its way towards the center of the land they call Emera. The sky flew ablaze as it drilled it's way into the surface. As is gradually grinded to a halt, a dark green mist emerged from withing the impact crater, and it flew across the land. It is said, that on that very night, all the villagers within a hundered miles, had nightmares...

-Characters story
You grew up on a farm village on a hilltop with only you and your parents. You lived there for many years, not stopping to think once of the wonders beyond your farm gate. One day, as your father returned to his dutys as a guard at the castle, you hear of a thick green mist approaching the land. Your father never returned from his dutys at the castle. You wondered for many years what had happened to your poor father, until one day, your mother sat down with you at the dinner table, and told you everything. You sought revenge, the horror and the agony that filled your mind that day drove you to seek this green mist, and purge the land of emera of it...

[Emera]

Originally Posted by Emera

Just starting to make the OSL for my server and was wondering if you guys can have a read of this and comment on what you think i can improve on or add. Thanks!

Prolouge-
Millions of years ago, a strange star fell from the heavens. A dark green emerald flew with speed that scatered light as far as the eye could see. It blitzed its way towards the center of the land they call Emera. The sky flew ablaze as it drilled it's way into the surface. As is gradually grinded to a halt, a dark green mist emerged from withing the impact crater, and it flew across the land. It is said, that on that very night, all the villagers within a hundered miles, had nightmares...

-Characters story
You grew up on a farm village on a hilltop with only you and your parents. You lived there for many years, not stopping to think once of the wonders beyond your farm gate. One day, as your father returned to his dutys as a guard at the castle, you hear of a thick green mist approaching the land. Your father never returned from his dutys at the castle. You wondered for many years what had happened to your poor father, until one day, your mother sat down with you at the dinner table, and told you everything. You sought revenge, the horror and the agony that filled your mind that day drove you to seek this green mist, and purge the land of emera of it...

Im also working on a cutscene too but i have no idea were to start any help would be greatly appreciated!

[kia345]

Originally Posted by RPG Plots for Begineers

-Characters story
Traditional young man with no heroic aspirations loses his [FAMILY/FRIEND/PET/THING] to [BAD THING], swears revenge and begins journey to become hero of the [LAND/PLANET/GALAXY]

How cliche

[Emera]

I think its good with a classic perspective to it

[JesusFreak250]

I think the story lines great =P

[Kiwi27]

I don't understand. Why did they name their land after the big evil rock?

I like it otherwise, though

[Kiwi27]

Double Post.

[Emera]

Thanks stefun LOLZ

[Emera]

lol dude real bad fake

[Tricxta]

His not a fake "technically". He comes from parus not paris, his stefun not stefan and stefan doesnt post frequently and improperly. I get the feeling stefun is 12 o.0

Also the storyline sounds ok. But if you came from the iPhone this server wont work for you... There are very few pros, and they are all working on other projects. You should've got your dev skills up before even attempting such a story.

[MattKan]

Originally Posted by Tricxta

His not a fake "technically". He comes from parus not paris, his stefun not stefan and stefan doesnt post frequently and improperly. I get the feeling stefun is 12 o.0

he probably lives on Eurth

[Emera]

Trix you are coming across as saying i am "incapable" of completing a task i set for myself. If this is how you intended to come across, then please, stop posting on my threads. Other wise, Very sorry

[Hiro]

the storyline you have posted did not grab my attention for even a second. i think you should worry more about the gameplay of your server than the story-line.

if this is a linear-quest based server, then you need to post more information about the server and how it relates to the storyline because what you have posted now isn't something we can really comment on. green gems flying through the sky causing green-mist that causes nightmares that kills your father that years later your mother reveals the truth to you about? i mean come on...you make the player seem incredibly ignorant.

you have said that this will have a "classic-perspective" so can we assume the typical sword-style? if so, then i hope to god you don't try and make every quest into a "kill the baddies to move onto the next level where it's a bush maze!" type ****

basically, if you are trying to centralize this storyline as the pinnacle of your server to which everything revolves, then it really needs some work. if it isn't central, and is only there to explain the relevance of certain gameplay aspects, then you should go completely the otherway with this - make it as cliche as possible and completely disconnected from the actual purpose of the server (whatever that may end up being)

[Emera]

This isn't called the "what should i worry about" section. Its called "Emera story line"

But thanks for your opinion anyway

[Shards-Of-Fate]

Okay. Well then lets talk about your storyline.

You have something major to worry about.

(P.S. Something more constructive. Chances are your story has been told. As a multiplayer game, you're going to need to form an even broader storyline. You might want to get in touch with some writers and develop your plot line. )

[Emera]

Yeah this is but a rough draft the full one is a few pages long. I didn't want to give the whole thing away on the forums. Come to Emera and have a look yourselves...

[Shards-Of-Fate]

Does it contain the same amount of spelling and grammar errors <3?

[papajchris]

Originally Posted by Emera

Yeah this is but a rough draft the full one is a few pages long. I didn't want to give the whole thing away on the forums. Come to Emera and have a look yourselves...

I'm on the sever now. I don't see how that makes your story better.

[Kiwi27]

Emera, I asked you a question. It is rude to ignore someone when they are speaking to you.

[Emera]

Kiwi i'm sorry. I didn't see your post until just now. I didn't know there was a big rock called Emera. I most certainly did not name it Emera for that reason :L

[Kiwi27]

Nay, the rock is a emerald. The land is called Emera. Do you see how I might think that?

[Tizzee]

I must say that i like it
( I only understanded the half of it but okay)

[Emera]

Thanks Tizzee Very sorry all of you about the grammar errors. It was typed u on y i-Device and, if you have one, you know how hard it is to type on those things.

[Tricxta]

Ever head of auto-spell check?

[emoman]

it may sound a little generic but to be honest I can see it as a decent game, sounds like it would have a classic feel to it