Sounds interesting.. maybe a bit too detailed on some things.. I glanced over it and thought it looked pretty boring but instead of judging it by that I read the entire thing and I have to say..
It's a good start.. you really need to spell check your work though.. There is a lot of spelling and grammar errors which kind of ruin the story. Plus, the names of the town/villagers and the people, they are quite hard to say.. big wierd words like that aren't going to attract a lot of people to read.
Sir Hajakar, Shashank Majestry, Dynakiah.. they aren't hard to say once you figured out how to say them, but I had to stop and verbally speak the words until they sounded right.. (mainly just Dynakiah, and no I'm not dumb, I was reading college level books in 5th grade, I just find it kind of strange to use complex words for a short story)
Other then that, it sound's neat, things could be better worded.. and like I said, work on the grammar and spelling.
