Storyline...
 

Hey, I need some input on this storyline im working on. So please read, and reply what you think, or how I can make it better.

Chapter 1: The Begining

It was a dark damp night as Sir Hajakar the Knight of the Shashank Majestry had
entered the dark lands of Valar. He was seeking new lands for the Shashank to
tax. He came upon a stream, the stream was full of life. He had decided it was time
to rest for the sun had passed out of the sky. He then slept. He was awoken early
by sounds of children playing. As he sat up to look, the children where peeking at
him. He decided he should follow the children because they would go to there
homes. Homes would mean a town, or some sort of township.

Chapter 2: Dynakiah Villige
Theme: Dynakiah Villige, a small but prospurouse town of trade, and merchantship.
This Villige has a large history for it has been around for ages.

Sir Hajakar had arrived at Dynakiah Villige after following the children. As he looked
around, seeing all the shops, and houses he decided to talk to some of the villigers
to see what there backgrounds where. He then walked into the Dynakiah Library.
As he walked in, he was inturupted by the librarian. The librarian says, "Welcome
Stranger, to my humble Library. I have never seen you in this villige before". Hajakar
replys,"No, this is my first time in these lands. Could you tell me some of the past
history of this town?". The librarian then walks to the back of the room, and reaches
up to the shelf. He then passes him a rather large red book. The book was entitled,
"Dynakians".

Chapter 3: The Dynakian Culture

As Sir Hajakar reads through the book, he notices a small piece of text. "Dynakiah
is full of treasures, and adventure." He then thinks to him self, Treasure...
Adventure... He then looks down a bit more, "There is lots of life in Dynakiah, the
animals run wildly, not in fear of nothing or no-one. The fairys fly at night, ever so
bright". He then decides to leave, so he passes the book to the librarian. The
librarian says,"You should stop by the local majestry, you look quite fit". Hajakar just
walks out silent.

Chapter 4: The Dynakian Majestry

Sir Hajakar walks into the cold, damp barrecks. He notices that the knights armor is
very weak, aswell as the weapons. He then talks to the Majestrys Lord, Landoth.
"Good day my lord, are you ineed of Knights", Lord Landoth says,"Indeed my fellow
Knightsmen, us Dynakians can never take enough men. What is your name young sir?
"Sir Hajakar says, my name is Sir Hajakar, Knight of the Shashank Majestry". The Lord
simply blinks, then bursts into laughter. Hajakar stairs at the lord, the lord says,"Yes,
Yes my young boy. You are indeed ready to be welcomed into the Dynakians Majestry"

Chapter 5: Life in Dynakiah

Several months had past, as Sir Hajakar has been in the Dynakian Majestry. He was well
known for his sword skill, and leadership. As the months past, he learned Blacksmithery.
He then started combining different metals with others, to make them stronger. As he
did this, he made the Dynakian Armors much much stronger, aswell as there weapons.
He then became well known as the General of the local Majestry. As the years started
to pass, his name became more well known. The Townshop reconized him as the Son of
Dynakiah.

Chapter 6: The dark day

The year was 1387, the farmers season had just ended. The towns supplys where over-
flowing with goods. Metals, Wood, Grains, Corn, Apples and Fish. The town was doing
great, there supplys where never low, everyone was happy. The land started to bloom
even more beautiful then ever. It was the evening, Sir Hajakar son of Dynakiah had just
finished his supper. As he walked outside, he noticed that over Dynakiah Mountain, it
was dark. He couldnt even see the white snow that you could normaly see on it, you
couldnt really see anything. An hour had past, Sir Hajakar was talking to the local
blacksmiths, and they heard a loud rumbling coming from the east. All of a sudden, all
the villigers started crying, and yelling as if they where in deep pain. And Sir Hajakar
looked into the sky, and there it was. The first dragon he had ever seen in his life. The
large dragon came flying down like a rock from the sky, blew fire all over the local shops,
and supply shacks. Houses, shops, supplys where all on fire. All of the supplys, houses,
where destroyed. The only house left standing was Sir Hajakar's. The next day, the
villigers gatherd, they where discussing something, but Hajakar couldnt make it out. So
he walked outside. All of the villigers just sat, and stared. They then told him to leave
the town, and he was never to come back. It was belived that he brought greatness
to the Dynakians. But they belive that greatness is good, only if you accept it, for it
was givin to them. He then left the villige forever.

Sounds interesting.. maybe a bit too detailed on some things.. I glanced over it and thought it looked pretty boring but instead of judging it by that I read the entire thing and I have to say..

It's a good start.. you really need to spell check your work though.. There is a lot of spelling and grammar errors which kind of ruin the story. Plus, the names of the town/villagers and the people, they are quite hard to say.. big wierd words like that aren't going to attract a lot of people to read.

Sir Hajakar, Shashank Majestry, Dynakiah.. they aren't hard to say once you figured out how to say them, but I had to stop and verbally speak the words until they sounded right.. (mainly just Dynakiah, and no I'm not dumb, I was reading college level books in 5th grade, I just find it kind of strange to use complex words for a short story)

Other then that, it sound's neat, things could be better worded.. and like I said, work on the grammar and spelling. ;)

it sounds like you are planning to sail away with the arch of noah
itz okay
but it doesn't sounds "new" to me
it doesn't sound interesting in my ears
its like i miss the rising action

Hehe..
 

Thanks guys, its not finished yet and im gonna get Fateknight to read it over when its done, and make it sound ALOT better. He has amazing Grammer skills. Good writer ^_^

Anyways, if you wanted to know its for a new RP playerworld im working on, im not giving "ANY" details yet. I will once our site is up and running, got a great webmaster.

Anyways, im adding alot more to the story that will effect the game, and notice how I said "Dynakiah is full of life, and treasure" HINT HINT ^_^

This playerworld will own, trust me.

sounds alright. like how konidias said, try to fix up your grammar and it'll look/sound better.

Yep...
 

I plan on it.

Storyline is like the Base for a RP Playerworld, if you want to get technical. Gameplay comes second ^_^

Lovely.

Don't expect any praise from ex-damascans on this name.

-Jinx

Yea.. =/
 

I know, that is where I got the name from.

But Damasca is nomore, so shall not have any problems.

I choose that name because Dynakians are acually a real Romainian Kingdom at one time, like way way back. ^_^

Re: Yea.. =/
 

So if Andor goes down, you wouldn't have a problem if I stole all the levels, npcs, and ideas and put them into my own server that people had to PAY to play on?

[sarcasam] And by the way, I applaud you on your creativity[/sarcasam]

-Jinx

i didnt read it

Ummm
 

What you said makes no sence Jinx...

A name is nothing compared to the work put into NPCs and Levels... =/

LOL
 

I just got a email from someone stating that "Dynakiah" is copyrighted by Kirath. Now, pesonaly, Kirath has not been around graal for a long time now, since Damasca was shutdown. And I acually work in a "Office" that happens to do copyrighting, and its not possible. For Kirath to have the name "Dynakiah" copyrighted, Legally.. And I do mean Legally, it would cost him lots of money to do that, and would have to be a legal document.

I just think its rather funny, post what you think about this.

Re: LOL
 

the only place u work is in your room, on levels. and on masterbating..... u work alot on masterbating dont u? rofl. i love to take every oppertunity toslander you sym, because ur just such an easy target.

Am I?
 

Boy, I never realized that..

your a immature goof man, you really need to get your acts straight..

it sucks big time.

Re: LOL
 

it's not funny at all.

you'd probably lose respect from some ex-damascians (cough, me) and, how would you know if kirath, linkson, and all of them have stopped developing damasca?

why don't you just change the name? :rolleyes:

Sym, get some creativity. Kirath and Linkson made Damasca and got that name.

Use your brain and think up a new name, it's not that hard.

-Jinx

Re: Re: LOL
 

Once Damasca went down they started working on Damasca as an application, dunno how far along it is though...

-Jinx

Umm..
 

This is really stupid you know, "Dynakiah" isnt even part of Damasca if you want to get technical, "Dynakian" is part of Damasca. So thefore they are similar, but not the same.

And either way, there is no Legal Copyright on that Specific name. And puting a Copyright Symbol on something Does not mean its copyrighted...

Now..
 

On the otherhand, if Kirath, Linkson or any of the Damasca's Project team can show me a "LEGAL" Document that that name is in fact copyrighted, wich it wont be cuz they are 2 different names, then I will change it.

And besides, Damascians should be happy that im naming it that, it is infact a RP Playerworld.

Re: Umm..
 

"Dynakiah" isn't, "Dynakia" is. You stole Damasca's name and put an H at the end. And at many points in your story you say "The Dynakians..." not "the Dynakiahns"



Why should it matter if it's copyrighted or not? You are still using absolutly no creativity in thinking it up, isn't creativity the key part in making a pw? (Especially a GOOD pw)


Why exactly should we be happy? You are stealing a name from one of the best server's ever and putting it up on a playerworld and calling it your own. That really wouldn't make anyone happy.

-Jinx
-Jinx

Cool.
 

Its cool. :)

Ok..
 

Now, This is getting FAR out of hand here..

For 1.. you havnt seen anything that im working on, now how could you judge that.. you dont know anything man, and do you even do Playerworld Development? No..

I have been doing Playerworld Development since Graal1.9...

I have Seen.. and Played on Damasca when it was once online.. It was a OK server, but was "NOT" the best. Now, how can you even say that im not being creative.. how do you evenk now that I got the name from Damsca when the name "Dynakiah" is the name of a old Kingdom/Nation of a Romainian Knightship... If anything, im copying them.

The other thing.. this isnt even about Copyrighting, I simply put in the story line that I am currently working on, and your going off on some other story that im some kind of loser that cant create my own ****... please just dont even post.. its not needed..

I also dont appreciate Random IMs on aim and msn saying that im a stupid ***got for copying Damasca.. its rather unpleaseant.
:grrr:

Sounds ok. :)

but am i the only one who read this entire thread and still has no idea how that dakyia thing and damasca are related? :(

I know..
 

Its freaking retarded...

Re: Yea.. =/
 

Sym, do you have short term memory?

How do I know? Easy, I went wayyyyyyy back to yesterday, when you posted this:


I am not judging your work, I am looking forward to new Andor project and I have said so many times. I am expressing my displeasure at you picking a name that was used in Damasca.

I dont know anything? I really dont want to lower this to a insult contest. Why should it matter if I do Playerworld Development? And how do you know I'm not making a sever? Just because I dont hop from server to server massing it out asking for staff and saying how it's going to be the best server ever?

Ethier way your copying. Get an imagination and think up your own names, all the other playerworlds have done it.

Damasca wasn't the best server, but it was a good one. How long did you stay on damasca? Because MANY people logged on for 5 minutes, and then ran away shouting how it sucked.

I am looking forward to new Andor Project, but you really wont get popular if you start to copy.

-Jinx

Re: Re: Re: LOL
 

i know that. :)

although... malus and xdakreepx quit, so i wouldn't know about it.

Dakreep is the reason they went down =P

If damasca was still up it would have less players than rudora, since Kreep was the only one who logged on and did stuff......plus he could script great NPCs =P
*Remember's his battle with Trunker =P*

-Jinx

qtfs is gr3mm0r?

0 ' and nic3 st0r3

Ok..
 

Now listen, these are facts...

I did infact get the idea of "Dynakiah" from "Dynakian" wich is from Damasca. So, I did some research, and "Dynakiah" is like I said a old Romainian Kingdom. So really, they cant do anything to me, they cant say that I copied, or nothing.

So what is the problem? there is none, your just fussing over nothing. And this isnt for Andor, im making a new project.

Why can't you just use your imagination and think up stuff on your own?

You did it on Andor.
Other Playerworlds can do it.

-Jinx

WHAT! I thought your current project was Andor? A "New Project"? :confused: